SWAN DIVING INTO AN EMPTY POOL

My Articles Are All Free Now

Peeking out from beneath my hoard of singles Medium provided over the years.

I’ve been writing on Medium for a little over two years now. Prior to this, my only venture into the literary arts got me in trouble in the First Grade.

If I recall correctly — and I’m sure I do not — our assignment was to write a short story of some sort. Apparently, we were allowed to write anything we wanted judging from the topic and genre I chose. Horror adventure. I felt it was a masterpiece. Truly, it captured what it meant to be a wizard in a dark world dominated by zombies and dragons and such. I turned it in, knowing damned well it was my magnum opus.

In reality, it marked my first encounter with busybody editors. I don’t recall my teacher/editor/tormentor’s name, but she made me write a second story. This Grammar Nazi had that power. I dutifully penned some slop, made sure it sucked, and scored a 1 or some such. I went to one of those public schools that gave out numbers rather than letters for some reason. Probably to make us feel less worse about being idiots, I don’t know.

But over thirty years later, I still recall what it is like to have a kind faced loser with authority tell you your work is no good. So, I will no longer submit anything at all to publications here on Medium nor will I toss up a paywall. I don’t like gatekeepers. They always make a fuss about how I shouldn’t be allowed through the gate. I’m not relishing an encounter with either St. Peter at the Pearly Gates or Anubis in the Underworld. Whichever is legit, because it must be one of them!

So, all the rants, ramblings, reviews, and political malfeasances I’ve produced over the years here are free now. If you want new stuff from me, you’ll have to subscribe to my veiny and thickening by the day SubStack. It’s also free, but fresher. Like a Mentos you find in the El Corazon bathroom under Denny Way in a seedy part of Seattle. Which also happens to be the best punk rock venue in the city and the taste really comes through.

So adios Medium readers. You’ve been great. But it’s time to jump ship. Come with me. You don’t have to leave Medium, but you do have to subscribe to me on SubStack.

Hit me here and smash that subscribe button like the State smashes our few remaining civil liberties in the USA. Or how Chris Farley smashed an eight ball. Or how Kamala Harris smashes Joe Biden’s peas so he can eat them.

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Humor, history, and enough dick and fart jokes to choke a flappy-headed Canadian comedy duo.

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R.B. Lamb

R.B. Lamb

Humor, history, and enough dick and fart jokes to choke a flappy-headed Canadian comedy duo.

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